The Return of the King

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Frodo and Sam finally fall in love, but smeagol wants frodo all to himself so he tries to murder sam and sam gets back at him by tossing him into a volcano. Then sam dumps frodo and marries the cutest girl in hobbiton and has a bunch of babies. Frodo says "I don't need you anyways" and takes off on a boat full of wizards and elves, who offer far more exciting sexual experiences.

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